ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
