I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
