I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
