I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
