I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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