If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
