i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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