Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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