She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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