I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the condom got lost in my hair
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
