our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
