Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
