Nicole vs. Life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
