I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
