My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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