I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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