i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
