somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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