Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
