I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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