So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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