I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can I color on your dick again?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
