i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
