By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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