when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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