so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
