dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
