there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
