Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
