there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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