did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
