The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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