if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
