3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
