how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
