I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
