Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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