my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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