My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
