after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
