I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
