You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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