I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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