I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
