but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
