Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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