i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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