I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
