Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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