I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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