Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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