last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
