Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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