ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
