There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
