I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
