i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
birth control should be required to get into college
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
