I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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