Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
