Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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