whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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