She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
