I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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