but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
