I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
third nipple confirmed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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