Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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