If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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