I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
