That's intense
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
zippers are such a cool invention
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
