Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
