Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
