I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
